I'm not sure how Marcie heard this because we weren't home in time for the news, but somehow she heard that Michelle Obama made a surprise trip to Haiti. As she was getting in the bathtub, she asked, "Haiti?! Are the people still hurt there?" I replied that they were and while there were some doctors and hospitals that could help, there weren't enough and people still needed help. She said, "Well, you have to go then. Somebody's got to get them all fixed." Trying to recover from my shock, I said, "Well, I would like to go but I have to be here with you..." She interrupted and said, "you could find someone to take care of us so you can go.." and then we were interrupted by another one of my kids who had some sort of urgent need (now I can't remember what). But, I was so impressed that she was willing to stay with someone else so that I could leave for awhile....or, maybe, she wants me out of the way so that she can have unlimited DS and computer time, stay up late, sleep late in the morning, etc. It is also neat to realize that she has listened when I talk about Haiti and how I used to go there, and that she thinks I can do something about the situation there. If I could only "fix" it!
I look forward to the day when we can all go on missions trips together....maybe to Haiti, even. I hope I can afford it.... I really need to save those pennies! For now, though, I am just excited that my 7 year old is developing an understanding of helping others.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Adoption Gone Wrong
I guess by now everyone has heard of the mother who sent her 7 year old adopted son back to Russia. Reporters have tried to cover the story from every angle, and just this morning, I heard that the mother hasn't been charged with anything yet. Apparently, her attorney will speak tomorrow. The grandmother has been talking, as well. There still are some missing details, but no matter what, the fact that a 7 year old child was sent on a flight (or multiple) nearly halfway around the world unattended is scary to me.
Were the reasons justified? If so, or even if not, the bottom line is that a child was sent away alone. Doesn't even a criminally insane child (is there such a category for a 7 year old?) deserve to be escorted on transcontinental flights? Was it really even safe? I am wondering why the parent hasn't been charged with child endangerment at the very least.
That said, I can't imagine the disappointment and desperation that she and her mother might have felt. I know a lot of adoptive parents, and also biological parents, are disappointed in their children. Sometimes the personalities don't jive, there's no chemistry, there may even be dislike (I remember a few years ago, Dr. Phil did a show on parents who did not like their children....these were biological children). I remember learning in nursing school that new mothers need to adjust to the reality of the baby -- a baby different than the one she imagined before the baby is born. The honeymoon wears off quickly with pain and unbearable fatigue setting in as the baby is squalling for yet more attention. I understand that (not the physical aftermath of child birth but the stress of caring for a newborn without live in help). I am certainly not a perfect parent, and do understand a little about difficulty in bonding, but I can't even fathom leaving a child in the custody of airline officials for the lengthy flights. I know there has got to be more to the story, and I certainly don't want to be judgemental. This whole situation and countless others simply bring attention to the fact that pre-adoption preparation and post-adoption services are critical.
Sadly, Russian officials are considering suspending adoptions again. Several Russian children have died in their adoptive parents' custody (at the hands of the parent) and now this child being returned seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I can understand their outrage. Yet, in every culture, every society, there are parents that kill their children. Humans kill each other -- it has happened since Cain and Abel -- the direct result of sin in this world. Parents also abandon their children, and that happens all over the world, as well. Unfortunately, adoptive parents are held to a higher standard and when they fail, it affects adoption for everyone. The thousands of success stories are outweighed by the very small percentage of tragedies. So sad, but also so very human.
The real victims are the children -- those abused and killed certainly, but also, the countless others left in orphanages that will never get a family of their own. Many never would anyway, but even those that could be helped, who have parents pushing paperwork or waiting for court dates or at any point in the process, may not get their families. Ever. Not only that, but more countries could also close adoptions to single parents, as some have already done. My philosophy, as you might've already guessed, is one parent is better than no parent at all. The pitfalls of single parenting don't even come close to the pitfalls of being raised in an institution, which is even far worse than being caught in the middle of divorcing parents and being pulled in both directions.
Bottom line, humans are human. Apart from the grace of God, we struggle and fail dismally. We fail each other, we fail our children, we fail God. I hope and pray that the U.S. and Russian officials reach some type of agreement and that adoption agencies all over the world step up pre-adoption education. I know it's not a guarantee because most people enter adoption with rose-colored glasses thinking the worst case scenario will never happen to them. I understand that, too. But, at least, maybe we can work a little harder preparing parents to parent hurt children. And, then keep praying for those children and their parents.
Were the reasons justified? If so, or even if not, the bottom line is that a child was sent away alone. Doesn't even a criminally insane child (is there such a category for a 7 year old?) deserve to be escorted on transcontinental flights? Was it really even safe? I am wondering why the parent hasn't been charged with child endangerment at the very least.
That said, I can't imagine the disappointment and desperation that she and her mother might have felt. I know a lot of adoptive parents, and also biological parents, are disappointed in their children. Sometimes the personalities don't jive, there's no chemistry, there may even be dislike (I remember a few years ago, Dr. Phil did a show on parents who did not like their children....these were biological children). I remember learning in nursing school that new mothers need to adjust to the reality of the baby -- a baby different than the one she imagined before the baby is born. The honeymoon wears off quickly with pain and unbearable fatigue setting in as the baby is squalling for yet more attention. I understand that (not the physical aftermath of child birth but the stress of caring for a newborn without live in help). I am certainly not a perfect parent, and do understand a little about difficulty in bonding, but I can't even fathom leaving a child in the custody of airline officials for the lengthy flights. I know there has got to be more to the story, and I certainly don't want to be judgemental. This whole situation and countless others simply bring attention to the fact that pre-adoption preparation and post-adoption services are critical.
Sadly, Russian officials are considering suspending adoptions again. Several Russian children have died in their adoptive parents' custody (at the hands of the parent) and now this child being returned seems to be the straw that broke the camel's back. I can understand their outrage. Yet, in every culture, every society, there are parents that kill their children. Humans kill each other -- it has happened since Cain and Abel -- the direct result of sin in this world. Parents also abandon their children, and that happens all over the world, as well. Unfortunately, adoptive parents are held to a higher standard and when they fail, it affects adoption for everyone. The thousands of success stories are outweighed by the very small percentage of tragedies. So sad, but also so very human.
The real victims are the children -- those abused and killed certainly, but also, the countless others left in orphanages that will never get a family of their own. Many never would anyway, but even those that could be helped, who have parents pushing paperwork or waiting for court dates or at any point in the process, may not get their families. Ever. Not only that, but more countries could also close adoptions to single parents, as some have already done. My philosophy, as you might've already guessed, is one parent is better than no parent at all. The pitfalls of single parenting don't even come close to the pitfalls of being raised in an institution, which is even far worse than being caught in the middle of divorcing parents and being pulled in both directions.
Bottom line, humans are human. Apart from the grace of God, we struggle and fail dismally. We fail each other, we fail our children, we fail God. I hope and pray that the U.S. and Russian officials reach some type of agreement and that adoption agencies all over the world step up pre-adoption education. I know it's not a guarantee because most people enter adoption with rose-colored glasses thinking the worst case scenario will never happen to them. I understand that, too. But, at least, maybe we can work a little harder preparing parents to parent hurt children. And, then keep praying for those children and their parents.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Pain! The Pain!
Yesterday morning, after squatting next to Kyle's bed to check his blood sugar, I stood up and pain shot through the small of my back, over both hips and down both legs to my feet. I couldn't even stand up straight. After hobbling around and getting the kids ready for school, I could actually move a little easier, though, my back was still really hurting. I dropped the kids off at the sitters and headed into work. After 30 minutes in the car, I could barely get out. My back and hip muscles just didn't want to cooperate. Walking seemed to really help and although I was in pain all day, I could work. Each time I would sit down for a few minutes, I had a hard time standing up straight. I would hobble around bent over and then finally my muscles would cooperate a little and I could straighten up. It's a good thing I already had my physical therapy appointment scheduled. My therapist could see me walking from my car in the parking lot, so she knew it was bad. After the electrical stimulation, heat, and lots of pounding and working the joints and muscles by my therapist, I could move a little better but my back still hurt. Thank God for heat and ibuprofen!
It is the wierdest thing -- I've been getting physical therapy since early December because I had frozen hip joints. This past weekend, in spite of the busy-ness, I had virtually no pain. It was the best weekend I've had (pain-wise) since last fall. And then, this all happened on Tuesday. I wish there were a cure for aging other than death! In therapy yesterday when it was time to get off of the heating pad, I couldn't remember how to sit up -- it was too painful to sit up the way I normally do and every time I moved, the pain would shoot through my back. At one point I commented that it was really funny that I couldn't move when I actually had to think about it. The therapist made a soothing remark (something like it's not really funny) and I just laughed. I said, "when you get to this point all you can do is laugh." I mean, really, what else can I do?
It is the wierdest thing -- I've been getting physical therapy since early December because I had frozen hip joints. This past weekend, in spite of the busy-ness, I had virtually no pain. It was the best weekend I've had (pain-wise) since last fall. And then, this all happened on Tuesday. I wish there were a cure for aging other than death! In therapy yesterday when it was time to get off of the heating pad, I couldn't remember how to sit up -- it was too painful to sit up the way I normally do and every time I moved, the pain would shoot through my back. At one point I commented that it was really funny that I couldn't move when I actually had to think about it. The therapist made a soothing remark (something like it's not really funny) and I just laughed. I said, "when you get to this point all you can do is laugh." I mean, really, what else can I do?
More Terrific Kid News
Yesterday, both Kyle and Marcie came home with "Terrific Kid" stickers on their shirts. Kyle got the award for working hard to learn to write (and spell!) his last name (we all know that's an accomplishment!). Marcie got hers for being a willing helper. This is a program sponsored by the local Kiwanis club. I guess teachers nominate kids and the principal makes a certificate for each one that is signed by the teacher, principal and a Kiwanis club member. The kids get the certificate and a terrific kid pencil. The principal presents the certificates to the kids in their classes. Marcie and Kyle were thrilled.
Kyle scored a goal in soccer this past Saturday. The first game he has ever played and he scored a goal! Unfortunately, I wasn't there to see it because I was at the children's toy and clothing sale at church. The kids had a sitter at home and I dropped Kyle and Charlie off at Charlie's soccer game (earlier than Kyle's). My brother transported Kyle to his game and Charlie home, then went back and picked up Kyle (the person who was supposed to get him couldn't and I had to call my brother again. Thank goodness he was home!). I dropped Marcie off at her dance practice and another parent brought her home. I am thankful to all of these folks for helping. It was a bit anxiety-producing for me, though, because of all of the loose details.
Speaking of dance, Marcie is performing 3 dances in a competition this weekend. I have to have her at the Richmond Convention Center by 7am with hair and make-up done. I'm wondering how I will even have her out of the bed by then because she is definitely not a morning person. Her first dance is at 10:46 and the last one at 5:27. It will be a long day -- and even longer because I will have all 4 kids with me. Charlie and Kyle will have to miss their soccer games because I can't 1) afford another sitter for a whole day, 2) there are very few people who could take care of diabetes so Kyle can't be left for a whole day, and 3) send Marcie with someone else because that person will have to dress her and get her to each dance. It's just too many details! Boy, I sure do need a nanny!
Kyle scored a goal in soccer this past Saturday. The first game he has ever played and he scored a goal! Unfortunately, I wasn't there to see it because I was at the children's toy and clothing sale at church. The kids had a sitter at home and I dropped Kyle and Charlie off at Charlie's soccer game (earlier than Kyle's). My brother transported Kyle to his game and Charlie home, then went back and picked up Kyle (the person who was supposed to get him couldn't and I had to call my brother again. Thank goodness he was home!). I dropped Marcie off at her dance practice and another parent brought her home. I am thankful to all of these folks for helping. It was a bit anxiety-producing for me, though, because of all of the loose details.
Speaking of dance, Marcie is performing 3 dances in a competition this weekend. I have to have her at the Richmond Convention Center by 7am with hair and make-up done. I'm wondering how I will even have her out of the bed by then because she is definitely not a morning person. Her first dance is at 10:46 and the last one at 5:27. It will be a long day -- and even longer because I will have all 4 kids with me. Charlie and Kyle will have to miss their soccer games because I can't 1) afford another sitter for a whole day, 2) there are very few people who could take care of diabetes so Kyle can't be left for a whole day, and 3) send Marcie with someone else because that person will have to dress her and get her to each dance. It's just too many details! Boy, I sure do need a nanny!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Another Cute One
Last night, I had clearly waited too long to get the kids in bed and Kyle and Joanna after their baths essentially tried to undo the work I had done straightening up under Charlie's bed. I was hot and fussed at them. I told them that they had to fix it and observed that they were just standing there looking at it, not cleaning up. Charlie said, "Mom, I know Kyle and Joanna are on your last nerd." Yep, Charlie, that's about it!
(Just in case you are wondering, there is no typo in this post.)
(Just in case you are wondering, there is no typo in this post.)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
It's a beautiful thing....
...when they learn to entertain themselves without needing my input every few minutes. We had very little to do this weekend, which is good, because I'm just about out of $ until payday. On Saturday, soccer had been cancelled due to the rain. Marcie had dance until 11:30 and then we came home for lunch and stayed in the rest of the day. I was anticipating a rainy day but the sun came out and stayed out for the rest of the day. It did look beautiful outside. The kids didn't even ask about going outside -- I guess they knew it was too wet. They entertained themselves with the TV, computer, DSs and DVDs all day. The only request they made was for me to make Charlie's favorite chocolate cake (egg free) and brownies (have eggs in them). So, I made the required foods while doing about 10 loads of laundry and running the dishwasher. I was tired last night but glad the laundry bags were totally empty (except for one toddler bed sheet and some hand washables) for a few hours. After bathtime, the kids' dirty clothes from the day went into the previously empty bags, but at least they weren't full to overflowing again! I actually also folded the clothes and put most of them away. I wanted to get more done, but ran out of steam after supper and baths.
Today, after church and then lunch, I read for a little while (still trying to get through Sarah Palin's book which I am really enjoying -- she really articulates well her philosphies about government and the will of the people; and you get a real sense of a mother's heart when she talks about her children). Then, I had to search for Charlie's DS which has been lost again for a few weeks. After not finding it in the living room, I went back to his room to look under his bed. I had looked there previously but didn't really move the toys, etc. He also went under his bed to look but didn't find it. So, today, I took the sheets off of his bed and propped the mattress against the wall. That view was horrifying to see -- candy wrappers. old, chewed gum, sucker sticks, broken candy cane, pretzels, amidst tiny toys, game pieces, flash cards, crayons, toy cars, you name it, it was there just about. So, I tackled it while the kids were watching TV and alternately playing with the McDonald's play set (unfortunately, it is just about always about food in this house). You might ask why I didn't make Charlie do it. There are 3 reasons: 1) he would never have completed the task because he would have been too overwhelmed and he would have started coughing from the dust; 2) he would never have wanted to throw away the little junk toys ("happy meal") and other scraps of paper he has doodled on; and 3) I didn't want to listen to the whining plus I knew I could do it faster. Well, I've been back and forth between that and the computer because I needed the distraction. Anyway, it is nice and neat under there now and I just have to put the sheets back on. The kitchen trash can is half full of "stuff" that I'm sure would have been meaningful had he seen it again. Okay, I know what you are thinking, he takes after me. I am hopeful that now the kids are old enough to need less of me for entertainment I can do more around the house when they are here. My dilemma has always been that I spend very little time in the house without them and I don't think it's right for me to totally ignore them on the weekends and spend all of my time cleaning. That's almost what happened this weekend. Next weekend, we will have soccer and dance and I will try to spend more time with them then. At least for this weekend, I have accomplished a few things!
Now, I need to fix supper and plan when I'm going to take the Christmas tree down.
Today, after church and then lunch, I read for a little while (still trying to get through Sarah Palin's book which I am really enjoying -- she really articulates well her philosphies about government and the will of the people; and you get a real sense of a mother's heart when she talks about her children). Then, I had to search for Charlie's DS which has been lost again for a few weeks. After not finding it in the living room, I went back to his room to look under his bed. I had looked there previously but didn't really move the toys, etc. He also went under his bed to look but didn't find it. So, today, I took the sheets off of his bed and propped the mattress against the wall. That view was horrifying to see -- candy wrappers. old, chewed gum, sucker sticks, broken candy cane, pretzels, amidst tiny toys, game pieces, flash cards, crayons, toy cars, you name it, it was there just about. So, I tackled it while the kids were watching TV and alternately playing with the McDonald's play set (unfortunately, it is just about always about food in this house). You might ask why I didn't make Charlie do it. There are 3 reasons: 1) he would never have completed the task because he would have been too overwhelmed and he would have started coughing from the dust; 2) he would never have wanted to throw away the little junk toys ("happy meal") and other scraps of paper he has doodled on; and 3) I didn't want to listen to the whining plus I knew I could do it faster. Well, I've been back and forth between that and the computer because I needed the distraction. Anyway, it is nice and neat under there now and I just have to put the sheets back on. The kitchen trash can is half full of "stuff" that I'm sure would have been meaningful had he seen it again. Okay, I know what you are thinking, he takes after me. I am hopeful that now the kids are old enough to need less of me for entertainment I can do more around the house when they are here. My dilemma has always been that I spend very little time in the house without them and I don't think it's right for me to totally ignore them on the weekends and spend all of my time cleaning. That's almost what happened this weekend. Next weekend, we will have soccer and dance and I will try to spend more time with them then. At least for this weekend, I have accomplished a few things!
Now, I need to fix supper and plan when I'm going to take the Christmas tree down.
Drama kids
My kids definitely have a flair for the dramatic...except, when they are performing. Actually, they do pretty well performing on a stage but their performances soar to Oscar-winning levels at home. Last night, I was in the usual nightly battle, well, persuasion to get Marie to brush her teeth. Usually, I just remind her what someone with bad teeth looks like and she will go and brush. Or, sometimes, I give in and brush her teeth for her. (Not often). Last night, she was moaning and groaning about it saying she didn't feel like it. I said, "do it anyway" and then, she said, "but I might fall over!" I never anticipated that one, and laughed so hard it got her started. I said, "this, I gotta see," and went with her to the bathroom. She kicked me out, though, and when she was done, at least her toothbrush was wet.
Last weekend, at dinner, or maybe lunch, we got on the subject of baby names. We were talking about Joanna's Chinese name, and then Marcie asked if she had a different name. I reminded her of her birth name. Kyle asked about his and I explained what his birth name (first name) was. He replied, "was I a boy or a girl?" Do you know how hard sometimes it is to keep a straight face?!!!
This morning, Charlie got himself dressed and came out of his room to go to church, with a St. Patrick's Day hat on his head. This is a tall hat with a big shamrock on it and a black strap to go under the chin. He looked adorable, and yes, he was serious about wearing it to church. When we were in the car on the way, he said, "Mom, tell them my name is Leprechaun." When I explained that I would say that but his name tag would still say Charlie, he replied, "Okay, but don't call me Charlie." Of course, everyone greeted him by his name and I did tell a couple of people that he wanted to be known as Leprechaun. It didn't last long....as we were outside the door of his 3rd grade Sunday School class, the hat came right off of his head. They must've enjoyed it in Kid's Church, though, because he was wearing it when he came out. I don't think he could fool anyone into thinking he's Irish, but I have Irish in my ancestry, so maybe he can be by association!
Last weekend, at dinner, or maybe lunch, we got on the subject of baby names. We were talking about Joanna's Chinese name, and then Marcie asked if she had a different name. I reminded her of her birth name. Kyle asked about his and I explained what his birth name (first name) was. He replied, "was I a boy or a girl?" Do you know how hard sometimes it is to keep a straight face?!!!
This morning, Charlie got himself dressed and came out of his room to go to church, with a St. Patrick's Day hat on his head. This is a tall hat with a big shamrock on it and a black strap to go under the chin. He looked adorable, and yes, he was serious about wearing it to church. When we were in the car on the way, he said, "Mom, tell them my name is Leprechaun." When I explained that I would say that but his name tag would still say Charlie, he replied, "Okay, but don't call me Charlie." Of course, everyone greeted him by his name and I did tell a couple of people that he wanted to be known as Leprechaun. It didn't last long....as we were outside the door of his 3rd grade Sunday School class, the hat came right off of his head. They must've enjoyed it in Kid's Church, though, because he was wearing it when he came out. I don't think he could fool anyone into thinking he's Irish, but I have Irish in my ancestry, so maybe he can be by association!
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