New Day Care Arrangements

My children are now staying with a friend who has an in-home daycare. She normally keeps infants through preschoolers but had some openings, and decided to keep school-age kids so that her 6 year old would not be so bored. I also think she was ready to work with children who are a bit more mature! At any rate, she kept Charlie and Marcie when they were young but was afraid to take care of Kyle because of his diabetes. Now that we've been friends for so long and she's seen me check his blood sugars and manage his pump many times, she has become a little less afraid. The first day (Monday), she called me a few times to be sure she was doing it right but didn't need to call me the next 2 days. She, and her co-worker, Amelia, have taken it seriously and work together to meet his needs. In 3 days they've done a bit better than the folks at the previous daycare did, so I'm pleased.

Marcie has behaved very well but Hopie is like her second mom so I wasn't the least bit surprised. Kyle and Joanna, though, have been testing their limits. In just 3 days, Hope has seen the characteristics that Joanna displays that were downplayed by her previous caregiver. The first day Joanna didn't want to stay downstairs with the other children and while she wasn't aggressive about it, she was stubborn and refused to go downstairs when Hope told her to. Hope had to take her by the shoulders and gently move her. Joanna then complied. Joanna also took some M & M's without asking and tried to hide it. Hope spoke with her about that, as well, but let her have them (okay with me). Hope told me that she's already seen the behaviors that Joanna displays when she thinks she's not being watched -- mouthy (in a soft voice), stubborn, lying, not really nice to other children, sneaky, etc. These are all behaviors that came from being in an orphanage and I think also learned from being in daycare with other kids. It's not that they're so abnormal for a child but it's the fact that she so skillfully (or maybe not so skillfully) hides them from adults. Her more recent daycare teacher for the most part overlooked these things and always gave glowing reports when I would pick Joanna up from daycare. Kyle and Marcie, though, were always thrilled to give me a more accurate report. There were only 2 occasions when Joanna was more blatently stubborn and defiant and that caregiver was really surprised. I feel like I'm always a naysayer when it comes to Joanna but I don't want people to be fooled by her cuteness and her quiet and sweet demeaner. If she's allowed to continue with these behaviors, they will just get worse and one day, she'll get something back at her very harshly either by another child or by being punished at school (detention, suspension, etc.). I think it will be easier to guide her to more appropriate behaviors now than later. She needs to learn that being cute and sweet is not a cover for her negative behaviors. In case you're wondering, I do praise her for positive behaviors and do so to the extreme sometimes, often in front of her siblings and others so that she can feel proud of herself and understand that she's capable of behaving well. I have hugged her often when she has helped me and at other times when she has done well. She is a neat kid; just needs help in learning socially acceptable behaviors. I feel so much better that she's in a situation where she will be sent to time out for behaving poorly and also rewarded for behaving well. Hope is much more skilled than I am at loving discipline.

Then there's Kyle. You know, he's a really great kid, too, and I love his little pouty face. I don't reward him for pouting, but when I see that face, I just laugh inside. He has been more openly disobedient and when I got to Hope's yesterday, she told me what he had done wrong and her co-worker, Amelia, chimed in that he had been really good the rest of the day. So, I told him to go on over to Hopie to get his spanking. He slowly walked over to her and turned around then burst into tears. He was going to accept his punishment. We all laughed and also got a little teary. I, of course, hugged him and said that we were just kidding but that he did need to behave. He skipped off happily after that. I guess we were a little mean and I won't do that again but it was really funny. Hope told me that Kyle has been so sweet with the babies (she has 2 under a year, and yes, I'm getting my baby fix!). He tries to console them when they are fussy and he talks tenderly to them. That is the really great thing about multi-age daycare -- the older kids really see that the younger ones need more attention. I think that's why Charlie did so well when I brought Marcie home -- he had seen Hope care for babies and he waited his turn when he was with her (and he also helped as best as a 2 year old, developmentally delayed, child could). Back to Kyle -- I told him that I thought he was going to be a great dad when he grows up. He just smiled his little sweet smile.

So, I'm very happy with my new daycare arrangements. I know my kids will be getting awesome care. Their caregivers at their previous daycare loved them, too, but it had gotten so chaotic and was too darned expensive! My new arrangement is the right price dollar-wise, but priceless in that Hope and Amelia love my children. No amount of field trips or pricey "enrichment" programs can replace that!